A glimpse.....

So we are still having behavioral issues at school with Tatum. After a discussion with her about her behavior and how to improve upon it, she came up with her own sticker reward system on her calendar for good days both at school and Kids Klub, and a check mark on the days when she behaved well in one or the other.

There aren't many stickers on the calendar.

Needless to say, her daddy and I are frustrated with her choices and behavior.  We've talked behavior and choices until we're blue in the face. We have read scripture to her, we have read scripture with her, we have disciplined, we have tried many different things in an attempt to get her to comply with the rules.

The difficult thing for me is to differentiate her behavior from her many times.

She isn't bad - she makes bad choices. Her choices don't define who she is and don't make up the essence of her being.

I still love and adore my daughter, but I don't love and adore the choices that she makes and when she is in the midst of those behaviors, I don't want to be around her.

Hmmm....anyone see any parallels there with our Heavenly Father?  It's amazing how much more insight we're able to glean into Him as a heavenly father after being a parent.

At any rate, I occasionally get a glimpse into Tatum's essence...who she really is...and her true sweet self really shines through.  I was able to get one such glimpse this week, and it was sorely needed.

Let me explain......
We were discussing her upcoming birthday and planning some party options when she decided she wanted to have a giving party. She told me that she had enough toys already and she wanted to take all of the toys that her friends brought to her party for her and give them to someone who needed them more than she did.

I told her to go tell her daddy, who was about as dumbfounded as I was. (He even posted about it on Facebook, which happens maybe once or twice a year!)

I frequently purge the toys with the kids, and I use that type of language when we do that process to help them understand why we get rid of toys they don't play with or they have outgrown.  I will say that I wasn't sure whether the idea of a giving party would be a fleeting one or if it would actually stick.

The next morning, she made a point to ask her daddy if she was going to be able to have a giving birthday party.

It apparently stuck.

Our plan is to have her friends donate toys in the 4-6 year old range for Aggieland Pregnancy Outreach, specifically their Mama Club program. If you are reading this and feel led to donate something to this ministry, please feel free to do so. A large and constant need for this ministry is diapers and wipes for the girls who participate in Mama Club.

April Running Recap

Um...so, ok. This will be a really quick post.  Because I didn't run a lap at all in the month of April.  Nada. Zilch. Nothin'.

April was me dealing with bronchitis and a sinus infection...and finally throwing in the towel and getting medicine (and it really must have been bad, because when I called to schedule an appointment the nurse on the phone asked me some questions, then told me she would call back after speaking with the doctor and when she did, she simply called in the antibiotic).  So after a z-pack, I thought I was feeling better, but I never did get rid of the cough or ever really get my energy back. All.month.long.

I'm really going to have to kick it into gear tomake up for three months of crappy mileage. Yikes!!!

2012 Recap:
January total = 31.24 (31 days) [MET GOAL]
February total = 9.26 (29 days)
March total = 12.4 (31 days)
April total = 0 (30 days)

Happy visit for Kellen

Since our move (less than a mile down the road), which resulted in a change in elementary schools, Kellen's back-to-school adjustment has been, well, an adjustment.

It's been a challenge this year.

Not that the things that he's been working on have been bad......just challenging.

It's been little things.  Spending over his 'allotted' time in the library looking for a particular book.  Not listening to directions.  Talking.  Going too fast on his math homework or papers and thinking he knew what he was supposed to be doing - but not really and getting grades below what he's capable of earning.  Lining up with his hands next to his side rather than together behind his back (ok, ok...even I have to question that one, but whatever)....

So after almost two weeks straight of 'pulling tags' and getting yellow warning marks, he really turned it around.

And he got a Happy Visit as a result.

He was thrilled.  Over the moon.  And apparently when you get a Happy Visit, your picture goes up on a wall and stays there.  For the entire.year.

He was so proud.

And so were are we.

Good Attitude Award

Let it be hereby known, 

that on Wednesday, August 3rd, 

Tatum Elizabeth Hapes was awarded the 

"Good Attitude Award!"

She was bestowed this award for 

"Being an AMAZING helper!" 

from Miss Christina in Montessori I 

and it was also noted that she had a 

'Great Attitude and had a WONDERFUL afternoon!!!"

She was so proud!  

This picture doesn't do her smile justice. 

Not one single solitary bit.
I love the days when the pixels are like this.....

Not fair!

Unfortunately, Tatum did not have the best of days.  I was informed....warned of this fact by an email, sent to me at work yesterday afternoon.

It warned me of not one, but two incidents that Tatum had that day.

All 'fun' plans were by the wayside.  When we got home, she and I went over - line-by-line - the two notes that had been prepared for me.  We discussed, she was disciplined, she cried, she whined, we discussed some more, and somewhere in the midst of this, she screamed, "It's NOT FAIR!"

We went back over what happens when you make this choice...what happens when you make that choice scenarios.  We talked about the consequences of choices, and making choices knowing full well what the consequences would be.  I then asked her whose fault it was that she was getting punished.

"It's my fault because of my choices.  But I don't want to get in trouble.  It's NOT FAIR!"

After dealing with her for the evening (and trying to decide what to do with myself since I had virtually the entire night -  peruse my movie shelves for something a child might not enjoy as much as I, read a book, sleep?), God then began speaking to me.

Only after my conversation with her did I realize how many times I have those very same conversations with God.  I must sound the same to Him during those times as my daughter sounded to me last night.

Oh how I'm convinced that He allows us to have children so that we can get just a glimpse into His role as our Heavenly Father!

How many times have I screamed, "It's NOT FAIR!" to Him?
How many times have I knowingly made a choice, then not wanted to accept the consequences when they inevitably came?
How many times have I resented discipline - when it was for my own good?
How many times.......have I acted like a 4 year old to my Heavenly Father?

I'm surprised Tatum didn't say it, but normally when she gets in trouble, she'll remark that although I'm not happy with her choices, I still love her and will always love her.  She isn't asking the question of if I will, but reminding she and I that she knows my love will remain constant.  She normally follows up those statements with similar statements about God's love for her.

I may not be happy with her choices, but will always love her.  God may not be happy with my choices - or hers for that matter - but His love is unfailing.

The streak ends.

I've shared my discipline woes with Tatum a few times here in hope you'll allow me to lament the loss of our streak this week.

It was such a good streak

Since the first part of June, she's had good days.  Every day.

That ended yesterday.  Well, it apparently ended the day before that, I just didn't know about it.  She didn't tell me.  In fact, she told me the opposite.

Darn that sin nature!

So I found out yesterday afternoon that she had a rough time at nap time the day prior.  And the fact that she didn't get to feed Bugsy (the class hamster) yesterday because of those bad choices didn't seem to alter her decision to make the same bad choices. At nap. Again.

"But I was good during circle time!" was the response I got to a few of my questions regarding these choices.  "Doesn't that make you happy?"

*sigh*

So our streak of fun evenings has come to an end.  While she told me the truth about her day, she did lie to me about the day before, so we weren't able to do any fun stuff last night.  In fact, after dinner she got ready for bed and went to lay down.

I had forgotten how loud she could cry when she was really wanting to put on a show.

And how great she is at making excuses to come out of her room.

I had also forgotten how much nicer it was to be able to lay Jacey down in her bed while the room was empty. And quiet.

Apparently Jacey is a sympathy screamer cryer.  That was a joyous thing to discover.

My verse for this yesterday morning was, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice." (Philippians 4:4)

I tried to keep that in my mind during the day.

I think I may have done a better job while at work than at home in doing so.

Think about that one word or phrase at a time.  Really meditate on it.

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.
Rejoice - be glad, take delight

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.
in who?  the Lord....shouldn't we be able to delight in Him?

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.
Always - every time, all the time, forever

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.
again - once more, another

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.

Am I rejoicing that my Tatum-tot broke her 'good choices' streak? - No
Am I rejoicing that Jacey seemed fairly inconsolable because her sister was upset? - No

I don't need to hinge my happiness and joy on events. Or people. Or money. Or jobs.  It is in the Lord that I should hinge...well, everything.  His words, His promises.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

So, despite this behavioral bump, I'm going to rejoice in the Lord.

And today is a new day.

Productive Day

As my earlier post indicated, Jacey is in the midst of dealing with and (hopefully) recovering from hand-foot-and-mouth disease.

So as I normally do when I'm home with a sick one, I made a mental to-do list for myself.

The list; unfortunately, began with maintaining my patience.

*sigh*

Tatum and I had one of those mornings.  However, a big difference was that I was more focused on whether or not what she was doing really mattered.  What I mean by that is we talked in our Sunday School class this last weekend about keeping an eternal focus.  So my thoughts were focused more on how my response to her behavior would benefit us both eternally, rather than the specific behaviors.  Notice I indicated "more"...not that I didn't have issue with her behavior and choices.

This focus is something I must work on and continue.  I'm not saying that I reacted exactly the way I should have throughout the morning, but it was better than in the past.

At any rate, when I dropped her off at school we talked and she assured me that she was going to have a good day and make good choices.  My response to her was that if she did have a good day, that I would take her for a special treat.

As Jacey and I continued about our day, I was able to get quite a bit of 'stuff' done.  Stuff like 7 loads of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away.  (Don't think it's all that grand...I have another 2 loads waiting to be folded and put away, another load in the washer and one in the dryer). I had intended to demolish the laundry monster, but it didn't quite happen that way.

Stuff like heading to the office for a short bit, going to the doctors office, playing with Jacey, getting her down for her naps, doing laundry (see above), giving myself some solar therapy, then taking a jog with Jacey before picking up Tatum.

Tatum DID have a good day.  So we went to get some 'treats', as promised.  We first went to Wal-Mart and I let her pick out some nail polish.  She picked out purple and green sparkles.  They were $0.98, so I joined in and picked out a pink. 

So I did get some "Bon bons" today after all.  We also browsed the sale rack, and I picked her up a new lunch box.  It was $3.00...she was thrilled.

We then left and went to Chick-fil-A to pick up dinner.  We made it home and I started the movie - Cinderella, of course.  Tatum ate dinner while I dealt with feeding Jacey and getting her bathed and ready for bed.  After Jacey was down for the night, I painted Tatum's toes and fingernails purple.  When I was finished eating and the first coat of polish had dried, I then followed up with the glitter.

She was thrilled.

I mentioned something about pampering and she asked what that meant.  My response, "Pampering is what you do to be nice to yourself and make yourself feel good."

"Oh, she replied, "I like it when you pamper me."

It was a great and productive day.  And not because I put a dent in the laundry monster and was able to go for a jog, but because I accomplished my main goals.  The things that were really important - keeping Jacey comfortable and hydrated and providing positive reinforcement for Tatum just as swiftly as we normally administer punishment.

I want to have more days when I accomplish what is truly important.

When will you learn?

So as I was disciplining Tatum the other day (an occasion no longer a rarity in our household), I wondered, 'Why doesn't she learn? Didn't we just go through this?'

I was answered, but not in a burning bush kind of way.  I distinctly felt God speaking to me, whispering, "She's just like you."

I responded with (does anyone else have full conversations with God inside their head?), 'She knows what's going to happen if she makes those poor choices.  We have set clear consequences for her actions. She knows the consequences but still makes poor choices.' [exasperated sigh] 'Why?'

'Yes, why?' the Lord answered me. 'Why does she continue to make poor choices? ..........Why do you? Haven't you already learned?  Aren't the consequences of your poor choices enough to make you see?'

My poor choices.

Raising my voice to the kids...or to Matt.

Running out of patience before the kids have even loaded up in the car and been dropped off at school/day care.

Not making my quiet time a priority.

Worrying.

The list is endless. My poor choices.

Yes, I know the consequences, but still make poor choices. Tatum knows the consequences, but still makes poor choices.

Most of the time it isn't deliberate. It isn't intentional. It just is.

It's habit. It's my sin-nature. It's me not allowing the Lord to walk with me or carry me throughout my day. All parts of my day.

I could feel God telling me how much my poor choices hurt Him. And that consequences are necessary for growth. For maturity. For learning.

As a parent, I don't like to discipline Tatum. It's not one of those 'fun' parts of the Mommy hat. But for her sake, I discipline. I correct. I teach. I explain. And I sometimes (many times???) cannot understand the why of her actions.


I'm becoming more and more convinced that one of the many reasons the Lord provides us with children is so that we'll understand Him better.  Understand better His love for us - His children.


We try to model that love to our children, in an oh-so-human, I'm-gonna-fail-miserably-at-this kinda' way.  With each interaction, we get a glimpse into how God feels about us.


My heavenly Father just wants me to seek Him and follow what He says. My discipline and instruction is designed for my spiritual growth and to enable me to develop into the person God intended.


If I desire that for Tatum, how much more - exponentially so - does God desire that for me? For Tatum. For us all.

Scripture Memory!

It's that time again (only this time I'm just a few days late).

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

To join in on the Scripture Memorization Challenge for the year, go here.

Mean Mommy

You know the saying, "You reap what you sow," right?

Well, when stories about you as a young child are legendary in your family - and not in the good way - reaping what you sow might not be such a good thing.  My aunt still likes to tell of an incident when I told her I hated her and wish she had never come to live with us.  I was three.  I 'earned' all three stars with that particular episode and lost my 'prize' from my great grandfather that month. 

Yes, I was on a reward system.  

Reaping what I've sown.  That's what (I'll speak only for myself) I'm doing.  With Tatum.

Oh my.

In case you're wondering, this is not fun.  (Ok family, you can quit laughing now....)

Tatum is having such a hard time being respectful at school.  She's not listening and obeying, rolling her eyes at her teacher (she'll be 4, not 14 in March, but oh my oh my oh my), shrugging her shoulders and not caring at all about having to go to the office, or getting in time out.

While she doesn't like her spankings at the house when she's had days like this (and really, who would?), she still gets them.  From both Daddy and Mommy (although truth be told, I think the ones from Daddy hurt quite a bit worse, and not just in the physical sense - that girl adores her Daddy!)

But something just isn't working.  Or maybe it's just not working quick enough for my liking.

So after walking into daycare hoping that I wouldn't hear, 'I have a note for you for Tatum,' but hearing it anyway, I made a decision.

Her toys are going away.

I didn't discuss this beforehand with Matt, but he backed my plan once he was informed of it.

It was a very calm decision.  Being calm was further proof that I do much better using the Lords strength, because calm wasn't the emotion I wanted to display.  But I did. 

I calmly talked to her about losing all of her toys.  I told her toys were a reward.  And that I was disappointed that she had made the choices she did.  I told her that her Daddy and I were not going to allow her to be disrespectful to her teachers.

Then I proceeded to empty her room of all of her toys.

Out went the My Little Pony castle.

Out went the baby doll crib, full to the brim with baby dolls and bottles.

Out went the tub of stuffed animals.

Out went the tub of Little Einstein figures and the Pat Pat Rocket.

Out went her guitar.

Out went her paints.

Out went her shopping cart, filled to the brim with her purses and hats.

Out went all of her dress-up clothes, taken out of her shelf and put into a bag.

Out, out, out.  So many toys taken out of the room.  All while she sat on the bed and watched me.

Her toys are now in the garage, and she'll have to earn them back.

If you're wondering what to put on my name badge, I now go by "Mean Mommy."

And right now, I'll wear that badge proudly.

Lord help us get through this.

Happy Note!

We've been working with Tatum about turning on our 'listening ears' and our 'obeying heart' each morning before school.

Yesterday she must have had an exceptionally wonderful day, because when I picked her up, she excitedly told me, "I have a happy note!"

And she certainly did!

In case you can't read the text well, let me reiterate:

Tatum had a GREAT day!

Tatum used polite manners and followed directions all day. She made good choices and was a great friend.

Great job, Tatum!  Mommy is so 'super duper' proud of you!

Pumpkin patch

I took my three pumpkins to the pumpkin patch in a desperate attempt to get some 'cute' pumpkin and fall pictures.  I say a desperate attempt because, well...it was. I tried to take them the day prior, but Daddy decided to take Kellen fishing and Tatum decided to make some very poor choices at school.

So I went to plan B on that night, and Tatum just went to bed really early, in an attempt to make her realize that she had cheated herself out of some fun.

I don't think that worked so well for me, because she had a repeat of poor choices the next day.

So I went to Plan B myself.

Take 'em to the pumpkin patch and reward the kids who had good days by allowing them to pick out their very own mini pumpkin. A nice reward system, don't you think?

The change of clothes were set out in a lame attempt to color coordinate the kids (I should really just give that up now) so that the pictures would look as good in real life as they did in my head. Hmph. I will say; however, that the kids looked adorable!

Enjoy!