I take it back!

Lord, if I've ever asked for patience in the past, it must have been a mistake. I take it back! I don't really want to deal with a million things to learn that fruit of the spirit...I'll take some of the other fruit, really.

I don't want to wait on the doctor to figure out if I have to have surgery...I just want to stop hurting...I want to be able to concentrate on a task and get it completed, not get sidetracked because I'm just trying to make it through the day. I don't want to answer the question, "So how are you, Rebecca?" with a tough smile and a generic, "I'll be fine," because virtually anything else feels like a lie. I want to be able to enjoy spending time with my beautiful children, not try to explain to Kellen that Mommy's tummy hurts (again) and that the doctor is going to take a picture to find out how to make it better. And to try to convince him that I'm really going to be ok - because I AM going to be ok - sooner or later. But can't it just be sooner?

In Jesus name...Amen.

For those of you reading this that don't have a clue as to what I'm referring to - sorry! I'm dealing with some wonderful issues over here in the way of ovarian cysts - at last count, a total of 6 spread over both ovaries (varying sizes). I wanted to be able to nurse Tatum for the full year that I pre-determined I was going to, so I have chosen not to treat them up until this point because the treatment option would require that I stop nursing (at least a 99% guarantee that I wouldn't be able to continue nursing her). And when I was diagnosed with this over two months ago, that simply wasn't ok with me - at all. So I've been simply managing them...and have actually been doing ok until the past three weeks or so. Well, the pain got worse - quite a bit worse, so we're doing another ultrasound on Thursday to determine our next course of action - surgery or medication.

We shall see. But I'm fairly sure at some point in time I must have prayed for the Lord to give me patience...so I have to go through things to acquire that patience, right? He knows what I need. There is a reason that I'm going through this, and so I will continue to trust Him.